Sing Sang Sung

I'm taking a break here from tracking some vocals for one of my new metal songs, and it's got me thinking.

First of all, singing metal is something I am really good at and passionate about. The better I get and the more comfortable I am doing it, I feel more confused about it. Here's an approach to singing that often has something negative to say, whether it's pain, anger, fear, betrayal, hatred, regret, confusion...you get the picture. Well, those things are a part of life, so I don't have to go searching for bad things to happen to have something to write about. And normally, when something bad happens, it gets to me for a short period of time and then I forget about it. I wonder sometimes if all these terrible things are just lurking beneath the surface waiting for a chance to be expressed.

Then there are things that I am not over yet - things that keep me up at night and frustrate me to no end. Things that find me in my dreams. Things that flare up in me on the road when "some idiot" pulls out in front of me or goes too slow or changes lanes without signaling or what have you. Moments like those are when fragments of un-dealt-with aggression and anger and frustration at every time someone has every screwed me over get projected on some unassuming person. They're protected in their car, though, so it's only a bummer for me as my heart rate spikes and blood pressure rises and some part of me has to sift through all that junk and then suppress it again.

I am not an angry person. But I am fully capable of rage. I am an animal after all. We all are.

Which brings me to my next point: heavy metal is therapeutic. I can see how for some people it's an excuse to remain an angry, bitter, maladjusted adolescent well into their adulthood. But for me, it's about taming a beast. Emotion comes in pairs of opposites, equally capable of manifesting as elation as it is depression (and I have somewhat of a history there). My theory (based on personal experience and what I've learned in psychology) is that the negative stuff that gets repressed and forgotten often bites us in the ass later, like when I'm driving with "all those idiots out there on the road." Playing metal, and especially singing, is a way to embrace all those "negative" emotions - to OWN them. They are part of me after all. I feel like I can either be pathologically condemned to be angry, bitter, and depressed...or I can find ways to channel that energy into my art. Maybe it doesn't have to be a lifelong thing. Maybe I only need it now. Maybe I will be yelling into a microphone until the day I day. As long as I do, though, I want it to be a vehicle for positive change and personal growth.

So on days like today, when I'm singing about fresh and open wounds, it gets difficult. I have to "BE the emotion" as Melissa Cross (Zen of Screaming) would say, without succumbing to it. That sounds like it might be a lifelong struggle. Today I say this:

"BRING IT ON, MOTHERFU***ER!!!!" (followed by a smile that lets you know I'm being silly and playful).

Also, if you don't like metal...

well, fuck you :-)